49.08 miles 3:23:34
It gave me time to reflect on why I'm doing this. Am I an altruistic "do gooder" trying to change the world? Am I selflessly sacrificing my golden years for children, deceased relatives I never met or knew, distant kin of my children's friends?
You only have so much time to think about this, because after a while the effort of the ride consumes you, the iPod tunes become a distraction, and how far you've yet to go and where you are become major problems that make all other considerations fade to inconsequence.
I'll tell you, there's less altruism in this than meets the eye. As my friend Scott said, "What! The race is not till February? So this is just an excuse to ride..." Hmm, more truth in those words than in these: (From my daughter's blog - yep, "daughter")
With time and money; but mostly with money.
We work hard and live a comfortable life, but there have been times for both of us when life wasn't so comfortable.
Like when Scott first got out of the Marine Corps after Bird was born. A lot of our meals came from a local food bank. To say we lived paycheck to paycheck would be a lie. We lived on credit.
My wife has similar stories, mostly revolving around Her only sustinance coming from ramen noodles and bologna and the fact that She once needed financial help to get Her electricity back on.
That kind of struggle makes you never want to take being able to get by for granted. It also makes you sympathetic to people not there yet. At least to a degree, because you afterall fought your way out.
I think it would be accurate to say I feel possessive of what I have in the way of time, money, and health while at the same time knowing there are people out there I should be helping.
As a result, I have tried to always do "My Part".
I became a Civil Servant at the age of 18 and have contributed a portion of my salary every one of those nineteen years to various charities through the Combined Federal Campaign. My donations have gone to no-kill animal shelters, battered womens clinics, cancer research, housing for the needy, even low income day cares.
We have also given freely to church, even knowing doing so, or not doing so, doesn't really mean a thing.
Still, I could do more, which is just one of the reasons I feel like my daughter is such a gift to this world. She makes me want to do more, and even one person wanting to do more is still more.
Right?
Riding her bandwagon, I was full of hope as I went in search of people willing to donate to her cause. Who doesn't want to help feed the hungry, I thought, and with her young spirit behind it, everyone will back her.
But not everyone did.
In fact I had exactly two people in my office donate for a grand total of $10. TEN DOLLARS! Those two donations came after Bird's little "Please Sponsor Me" note sat around for a week AND we tried bribery by way of homemade cupcakes.
*Shaking Head*
Ams did slightly better at Her work, but I say slightly because we are still waiting for the American dollars from the Australian contributors.
Still, Bird raised $250 and was more than happy. I wish I could have said the same. Even as stingy as I can be when it comes to my hard earned money, I was, to say the least, disappointed. Not so mildly, I was pissed.
Fast forward to a request for donations from another Do Gooder close to my heart. You see, Bird takes after her grandfather in the Let's Try And Save The World department and I can safely say I have never met a man who is out there trying to raise money for so many people and so many causes as my father.
So we'd just bought the farm for [another one of] Bird's school fundraisers when his latest request came through.
Shoot, we hadn't even cashed the check he'd sent for Bird's Walk For Hunger. The donation we had to cover because his check was made out to Bird instead of the charity.
I also don't want to mention that it felt like we had JUST donated to my dads fundraising efforts for MS, but it feels like we had JUST donated to my dads fundraising efforts for MS.
To further prove my need for greed, let's talk about how expensive it is to cook a decent Thanksgiving dinner, or Bird's birthday a few weeks away, or Christmas, or the trip to Jersey we are taking to spend time with my in-laws, or our upcoming ski weekend with some of my wife's office-mates, or the cruise ....
Mentioning all that seems wrong so let me just say "we aren't made of money".
But here was another important cause. Another small request from a man with a promise to raise x amount of dollars. For that x, he will put his 61 year old body through extensive training. The extensive training he will need to in his own small way contribute. To help find a cure for the cancer that inflicts a little three year old boy he has never met. A cancer that killed the mother he has never known.
One person doing something, is still something, I tell myself again. Even if the something is only $5, which I manage to mutter behind clenched teeth as the memory of my two co-workers [from the agency I have worked for for eighteen years] hand over their 5 dollar "We'll Help Feed The Hungry" bills.
Maybe they were feeling like I did. Greedy and selfish and not wanting to give to another cause. With or without foot stomping involved.
In my own little effed up mind, I compromised.
"We're cutting up the 25 check y'all donated to Chloe's Walk for Hunger. Please consider it our contribution and good luck."
I know. I'm a shit.
Ever the salesman, my father accepts Bird's donation and askes what my wife and I will give.
Yes, he has a way.
After several frustrating email exchanges, he informs us he has donated $25 in all three of our names, out of his own pocket, as a "gift" to us.
"We're not made of money [either]" didn't look so pretty said back to me.
Still, I refused to be guilted. I'm stubborn as well as greedy, selfish and a crappy daughter.
Yet him saying he made donations in our names as a "gift" to us echoed in my dreams. I was hounded by nightmares of the people I love the most in this world being struck with one of the terrible blood cancers I refused to help find a cure for.
Riddled with guilt, I sent an email to everyone in my address book, which admittedly is very few, but happens to suite me just fine. Unfortunately as far as helping me help my dad goes, is not so fine.
My wife, struggling with Her own guilty demons, quickly sends a check for the $50 he donated in our names, and then emails everyone in Her address book.
Okay. We should feel better now. Right?
Then.
One of our closest and dearest friends responds to our request for moolah with heartbreaking news. Her father has just been diagnosed. He has cancer. One of the same cancers my dad is trying to raise money to find a cure for.
When Amber emails my dad to tell him about our friends dad, his response startles me awake, as if I was in a deep slumber.
I deleted his email as fast as I could, not wanting the words to burn my eyes as it had done my heart.
But it did.
"What is your friends dads name?" He asked. "I will add it to my handlebars because when I get tired and hurting from a climb, or a long stretch into a headwind, I look at Ryan, Natalie and Pat's name, and it reminds me that my "suffering" will end, theirs won't, unless a cure is found."
That my friends, is the deal.
http://www.active.com/donate/tntors/tnt
BT
Friends, reflect on your blessings this Thanksgiving, we have so many, especially those of us with good health and wealth enough to provide us with food, water, and shelter.
1 comment:
LC, Thanks for sharing your story and your daughter's thoughts with us all. God bless you for what you are doing!
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